Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
