Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Vodka?
Forever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize