she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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