He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
