Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
