Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
