Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
