obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish i was in the wii world.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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