Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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