Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
