So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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