I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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