I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
