I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
