Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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