So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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