Cold hands, warm shart.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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