you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
