I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
