i dedicated my morning wood to you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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