Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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