omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
