3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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