My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
