...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
