Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I forgot how hot balto sounded
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
