last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
