What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
