walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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