you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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