I've blown a few things in my day
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
