We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
