11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
