somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
