you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
