We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Randomize
