I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He did a backflip because drugs
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
