sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
