i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
