I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
