I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
