I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
