I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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