Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
