Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
