Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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