Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
