that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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