What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
