I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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