She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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