she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
