from now on my penis is your penis
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
