Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
