there's paper in my vomit.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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