Apparently you make a good broom.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize