so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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