woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
