we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
