It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
