just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
