There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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