yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
