she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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