i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
