Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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