We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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