census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize