Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your cock deserves a montage
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
