What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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