Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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