i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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