It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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