after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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