He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
