i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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