No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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