Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
