I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
