i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
