What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
