He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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