My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
