Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
