i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
