its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
