He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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