I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
