Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
