I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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