Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
