why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
