Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
