she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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