Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
