I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
