I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
