they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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