she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
