wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
