Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
