i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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