All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nicole vs. Life
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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