I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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